10 Reasons to Mediate Your Divorce

1. Divorce Mediation Causes Less Emotional Wear and Tear.
For most people separation and divorce is an emotionally traumatic and exhausting time. Mediation, with its focus on each person's needs and the future, offers a gentler way through this time. While litigation can often exaggerate already explosive emotions, mediation tends to help couples navigate this difficult transition without added rancor. Many couples also reach a resolution of some of the issues that caused strain during their marriage.

2. Divorce Mediation Is Good for the Children.
Research shows that it is exposure to parental conflict rather than divorce itself that potentially causes harm to the children. Mediation helps protect the relationship between the parents as they proceed through the divorce process by encouraging respectful communication and cooperation. For parents this is key because they are going to be in each other's lives for the rest of their lives. Our goal is for every set of clients who have children together to be able to look forward to events like graduations, ballet recitals, sport events, and weddings, without awkwardness or anxiety. (See box at right for research findings on the benefits of mediation for children and parents.)

3. Divorce Mediation Saves Money.
Mediation generally costs less than 1/10th as much as litigation. Litigation is an adversarial process, and the costs build up quickly. With litigation each person pays to speak to their attorney, then pays their attorney to speak to the other attorney, then the attorneys consult back with each of you, and so forth. Couples who go to trial pay for discovery and hours of preparation. In contrast, mediation saves time and money by encouraging cooperation and direct communication.

4. Divorce Mediation Saves Time.
Mediation is generally completed within one to four months. Litigation is often measured in years.

5. Divorce Mediation Is Effective.
Mediation has a high success rate. Most separating or divorcing couples who participate in private mediation resolve all essential issues and never go to court, except for a brief uncontested divorce hearing. Research shows that mediated agreements have higher compliance rates than court-ordered agreements, that participants have higher levels of satisfaction with mediated agreements, and that both parents are more likely to stay involved in their children's lives after attending mediation. This makes sense when you consider that mediation allows both participants to be heard fully and to participate in the creation of the agreement.

6. Divorce Mediation Offers More Privacy.
The proceedings of a court hearing are open to the public, while the negotiations that occur in mediation are confidential.

7. In Divorce Mediation You Make the Decisions.
In mediation the participants maintain control over their decisions, instead of giving that power to a judge. Couples can create an agreement that fits their family instead of having an arrangement imposed on them by a stranger. While most judges are hard-working and well-intentioned professionals, few of them have special training in family dynamics or child development, and almost all judges must make decisions quickly in order to meet docket pressures.

8. Divorce Mediation Is a Creative Process.
The mediation process encourages creativity and brainstorming to find a truly win/win solution that leaves both participants and their children better off. Because mediation isn't bound by the same jurisdictional and logistical restrictions of the courts, couples in mediation are free to consider and even experiment with a greater range of options.

9. Divorce Mediation Teaches Life Long Skills.
Couples often learn new communication skills in mediation that they can use with each other and with other people in their lives. During the mediation sessions they practice positive conflict resolution skills tailored to their needs. These skills help parents negotiate the various issues that inevitably arise as their children grow up.

10. Divorce Mediation Is a Low-Risk Option.
With mediation you are not giving up the adversarial option. If mediation fails, you can still go to attorneys and the courts. You are also not on your own with mediation. The mediator will guide you through the issues and, if needed, encourage you to get advice from attorneys, financial consultants, accountants, and child development experts. In addition, the content of mediation (discussions, documents, records, etc.) are protected by a confidentiality agreement and cannot be used as evidence in court.